Monthly Archives: October 2012

The Phantom of Life

Have you ever hidden behind a mask?

Not literally, but allowing your true self to become concealed by fear.

Long ago, I used to be afraid of coming out of my “safe box”- you know the one that you’re comfortable in and are exceptionally good at folding and re-folding all six sides in many different ways. However, no matter how many different ways I did it, the fact was that I still created the same box, figuratively of course, and that box prevented me from exploring various aspects of my personality and talents for fear of the unknown that was outside of the box.

Whenever you become extremely comfortable with something, it’s time to change the dynamics! That’s a concept I have more profoundly appreciated after studying Advanced Topics in Stratgey. That is, understanding the concept that equilibrium is a sign that the  collapse of a current situation is imminent. Therefore, it is recommended to stimulate that condition or circumstance periodically to avoid constant equilibria.

Similarly, fear can create an equilibrium of safety, which can then transform into a mask that progressively conceals your true potential.

The Phantom of the Opera is my all- time favourite broadway performance. Pardon me for saying this, but if performances could make me orgasm- that one would certainly do the trick!

You know how the Phantom secretly trains and propels his protégé, Christine, to become a superb vocal talent and yet portrays a very evil and manipulative character to the owners and crew of the Opera House. Well, comparatively, I like to call fear, The Phantom of Life- it can push you to do and achieve great things or it can control and hurt you.

I was much younger during my “safe box” years but experience has taught me to let fear hide behind me, rather than hiding behind it. I found that you never completely get rid of fear- it will always be there, but you have to find a way to put more of it behind you and more of yourself before it. If not, an equilibrium of fear will eventually kill any potential.

Now, each time I really want to do something- express myself, explore a career option, or just completely be myself around people, I just sing as loud as I can for the Phantom!



Prince Charming….. hmmm…. fairytale or real life?

Well, I think that is debatable. I have learnt that sometimes you get the modern day fairytale version, with the chivalry and all, and other times, you just simply get him as unromantic as they come, but he still manages to charm your heart- one way or another! Love is not biased.

I wrote this poem sometime ago, here’s the edited version:

I don’t think I’ve ever been in love

I’ve been in love with the idea of love…. for quite some time, but never really quite understood it

Until I met you

I’m not head over heels

I’m not weak in the knees

I don’t have butterflies all the time when you come around

I’m not breathless every time you hold me

I don’t see fireworks

I don’t get any special perks

You’re not a prince charming

And you certainly don’t sweep me off my feet, darling

I’m simply comfortable with a man who knows what he wants

Knowing he’s not afraid of pursuing those dreams, even if they don’t include me

I’m not afraid of losing you

‘Cause I will always have you in my heart

I’m not afraid of walking away or even being apart

I never knew how simple love really is

Until I met you

That I don’t have to be swept off my feet

Experience fireworks

Or be bowled over by a wave of emotions

I just have to understand, accept, and appreciate you

For who you truly are, and not for some fairytale prince I’d hope you’d be

A Mother’s Portrait

My mom is still alive- thank God!

I am not the perfect daughter, but I try to show and tell her how much she means to me every opportunity I get. I lost my dad when I was 13, which forced our relationship closer, as there was a wedge created by the “daddy’s little girl syndrome.” Little did I know I was secretly mommy’s little girl. My mother has the emotional strength equivalent to the cumulative physical strength of Hercules, Superman, Batman, and Thor (all are my favourite super heroes by the way). As I grew up, and as I learn more about myself, I saw so much of my mother in me- the good, and the little things that annoy me too- isn’t that ironic?

Losing one parent during adolescence made me realize that life isn’t always a fairytale. The lessons I learnt then were that I should never take life for granted, not even my own, and that I should never hide how I truly feel about someone because I do not know if I will have another opportunity to show or tell them.

I wrote this poem in 2005, after briefly reflecting on my mother:

silver trimmings

adorn your hair

intriguing stories

latched to your pony tail

fine lines

trace your

eyes and mouth

telling only pieces of your secret

glossy brown eyes

finely polished

by years of visual art

dark ovals

shadow your eyelids

attest your lost battles


barely curved

allude to your strength

your cheeks


with achievements

mahogany lips bring

life to your words

the arch of your chin

points to somewhere

your journey may take you

I only hope I will be there by your side

Have you told your mother everything you wanted to… like, I love you? Have you inadvertently realized you’ve become just like her?

Let me know your thoughts!

Beautiful Transitions

Ever wondered why things don’t necessarily work out the way you planned?
Well, I do too.

Some call it fate, God’s intervention, or bad luck. I think it’s a little bit of the first two presenting a new opportunity. It may not be the opportunity you want but it still is- if you use it, that is.

My life isn’t perfect, it didn’t turn out the precise way I planned it- some plans were realized and others didn’t. But, at the end of each day I wouldn’t have wanted any other life but mine.
I used to be a “strategy by design” type of person- plan my every move, leaving little room for spontaneity and be devastated when my dreams do not come true.

Life would be boring if it were only good or bad all the time, wouldn’t it? I think the good times are to give us hope during the bad times- memories to keep us afloat, and the bad times are to teach us appreciation for the good times- talk about balance!

I’ve learnt a huge lesson that sometimes the things I want most may not be the best things for me at the time when I want them. Sometimes those things work out later in life and they were exactly what I needed then- talk about perfect timing!

Other times, I look back and say, “hmmm maybe it’s a good thing that didn’t happen” or “hmmm, maybe I should try again because I really want to achieve that in the future and it means so much more to me now.”

Allowing life to bloom its natural flower is sometimes even more beautiful than planning it yourself. That’s why I am very fond of the butterfly and sometimes compare my own life with its life cycle. Each stage takes time, and a not so pretty caterpillar emerges, but the end result is always a beautiful butterfly that soars. Yes, that explains my profile picture! I spotted it during a Google image search for butterflies and fell inlove.

So, now I have adapted to being an “emergent strategy” type of person- if my designed plan doesn’t work, I allow it to phase into a beautiful transition- eventually.

Profundity in Simplicity

Today, I simply choose to write one sentence:

Never be ashamed of where you come from because it helps define who you’ve become!

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